This post is about friends. All my life, I have been criticized about the lifeling of my friendships. They say that I don't keep friends long, but I think that it is the friends that I choose. Or it could be my attitude towards people. For instance, if you do something to me that hurts me then I am doing it right back to you. I know that attitude is not good nor mature, but it levels me out. When I am friends with someone, I give without reserve. Let me give you an example.
I have this one person who constantly uses me whenever they need someone. When we first met, I didn't really pay this person any attention, but gradually we got close. We bonded over a mutual activity. Our personalities are both strong so we clash alot of the time. And this person has some deep rooted issues that don't make the situation any better. He/she goes through these mood swings. What makes me so upset is that when I decide to cut this person loose, they act as if they need me the most. Therefore, I put my defenses down and help them only to face another mood swing and inconsideration and meanness. You might ask why I continue to deal with that and the answer is quite simple. I don't want to be known as the person who can't keep a friend. But I will say that I will begin to be more reserved around this person. I won't just cut them off, but I won't be available whenever they need me.
Another thing that hinders my relationships is my inability to speak my mind thinking I don't want to be mean. I now realize that I am not doing the relationships any good by keeping my feelings to myself. When I keep my feelings to myself, I act out later on irrelevant situations. For example, this one person who I'm cool with. We have class together and work together on homework at times. Lately, I feel like this person is only using me for the homework. One day, this person called me early in the morning to get the homework. I had to wake up and leave the homework in a communal place. After this person picked up the homework, they didn't call to say thank you. As I laid in my bed trying to go back to sleep, anger started to rise up in me. I was hot!!!! In my mind, I was pissed because they woke me up and was persistent in getting the homework. But as I worked around my filters, I realized that I was not upset the early wakeup but was upset by them not calling to say thank you for the homework. After I realized that, the anger subsided. Now what I must do is let this person know how I feel.
Another type of friend I am dealing with is the possessive, clique-ish friends. If I am not hanging around them 24/7, then they are upset. I have this one friend who I was close to and hung out with alot. But lately, I have been hanging with the other people who I was friends with before. Now this person barely calls. I ask myself if I should care. And I answer that I should care but shouldn't change who I am to keep 1 friend. Either you like me or not. But I will say that I will not have one friend talking about the other. That's not fair to either one of them...regardless of who and what they do!
So the lesson today is to always be honest about your feelings to your friends....to people that don't matter...forget them! They don't count!
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