Apologies are in order

How can you forgive me when I've often gone astray?

How can you think of me when I do things my way?

Turning my back on You, the One who loved me first

Seeking my own desires, renewing wordly thirst

You told me that You could keep me, but I turned You away

I failed You so much now, I don't know what to say

Using the same excuse that I am just a man

You told me You have been there

And hold Your nailed scarred hand so I can see

Now I know I am free

And I am running back to you, I see you standing there for me

Your arms are open wide and I don't have to cry no more

You're standing there for me and I am running back to you

Why do I go away when I know I am no good

I have taken advantage of your love and grace

Forgive me Lord and take me back home

Take me home

I'm running to you Jesus

Please take me back home

You see, I've been in this role for much too long and I can't do right anymore

I'm tired of pain and I don't like fear

And Lord I want to be more sincere

I never should have left your side, return me to Your guiding light

Jesus, this a parody unto you. I think back on my life and I see nothing but disappointment and disgrace but all you see is my heart. My heart is covered by so much filth and dirt and secrets and generational curses but all you see is my love for you. How do you do it? Many times, my actions do not show love but you see it. I feel like I am always disappointing you. I would love to know how to please you....how to put a smile on your face...how to please you. I just want to be strong in You, but maybe this is the thorn in my side...being thirsty for you.

As the deer panteth for the water

So my soul thirsts after you

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship and please you

You alone are my strength and shield

To You, oh Lord, does my spirit yield

You alone are my heart's desire to worship you

And I long to worship you

I want to say I am so sorry for failing you. I am sorry for taking advantage of your grace and mercy. I am sorry for not pleasing you. I am sorry for not talking to you everyday. I am sorry for not taking the time out of my day to dedicate to you. I am sorry for not putting you first. I am sorry for not appreciating your painful sacrifice on the cross. I am sorry for not being sympathic and understanding of the stripes you received on my behalf. I am sorry for not fully taking advantage of your gift of salvation. I am sorry for allowing my flesh to rule and reign in my life. I am sorry for not living a life pleasing to you. I am sorry for denying you. I am sorry for not defending you. I am sorry for not standing up for you. I am sorry for the many mistakes and pitfalls I succombed to. I am sorry for being a double-minded woman. I am sorry for the secret sins I have committed. I am sorry for allowing Satan to use me. I am sorry for being the cause of other's pitfalls. I am sorry for the hate in my heart. I am sorry for the anger I project on a daily basis. Most importantly, I am sorry for acknowledging my sins. I am sorry for thinking I am perfect and you are proud of me. I am so sorry, God. I ask you to clean my heart. I see that I am so dirty and unclean and unworthy of You.

Many times, the only thing that makes me feel better is to sing worship songs, to let Jesus know how my heart feels about him instead of my actions.

No sweeter name than the name of Jesus

No sweeter name have I ever known

No sweeter name than the name of Jesus

No sweeter have I ever known

No sweeter name than the name of Jesus.

You are the only light in my soul

You are the light to the darkness around me

You are the hope to the hopeless and lonely

You are the only truth and the way.

You are God in Heaven and here am I on earth

So I'll let my words be few

Jesus I am so in love with you

And I stand in awe of you

Yes I stand in awe of you

And I'll let my words be few
Jesus I am so in love with you

Lovely are your dwelling places
Thirsty I come after you
Jesus my joy, my reward
Your love is restoring my soul
Now I am yours and you are mine
From my heart a song will rise
I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you
And my heart will follow wholly after you
Jesus, there is none beside you
You're righteous ruler of the earth
Nations will come and bow down
Names over all names, I sing your praises
And all that I can say to you is
I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you
And my heart will follow wholly after you

I'll worship at your throne, whisper my own love song
With all my heart I'll sing for you my dad and king
I'll live for all my days to put a smile on your face
And when we finally meet, it'll be for eternity
And, oh, how wide you open up your arms
When I need your love
And how far you would come if ever I was lost
You said that all you feel for me is undying love
That you showed me through the cross
I'll worship you my God, I'll worship you my God
I love you, I love you
Forever I will sing, Forever I will be with you
Be with you