It's been a while since I've written. I have been preoccupied with finding money to stay in school. I have been denied for every loan under the sun. I thought that maybe someone was stealing my identity so I checked my credit reports. They all seemed normal. No one used my identity. It's just all of those charge-offs I did before I came to Tulsa. And my parents' credit is shot. I have seen the vision of good credit. That is one of my goals for the future: to keep my credit good. Also to help pay my parents' credit debts off, too. I really want to show them my gratitude for all they have done for me. Don't I sound different compared to a few months ago (see The horrible daughter at large entry).
I also realized that I do not handle change and issues very well. I am like my father and hide my head under the sand, hoping that everything will work out. On the outside, I may seem strong and in control. But on the inside, I am freeking out. This past week, I slept too much. I couldn't find it in me to get up to go to class. I was so depressed that I just shut down. I was always sleep or watching television. Tanisha would call me everyday to see how I was doing. I really appreciated that. But that got me realizing me harmful way of coping with pressure. That is not good. What am I going to do when I get married and we hit a rough patch? Am I going to sleep the problems away? Dealing with that problem is easier said than done. But I will get better at dealing with pressure!!! I at first was going to go to school part-time to cut down the cost of tuition, but after talking to my financial aide counselor, I realized that was NOT a good idea. In order to receive financial aid, I have to graduate with 75% classes attempted passed (follow me?). I went through several solutions to the problem and you know what my mother and I decided? I will attend school part-time (1 class) and will stay on campus. And get a job on campus for the tuition benefits.
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