Wedding Bells Are-A Ringing

Hey everyone! How's it going? Me? It's not going too well. I just got the most disturbing news of my life. HE's getting married! I don't even want to say his name because I will be pissed off. I'm not mad at him, but I am just upset that my option has ran out. Who the hell is left??? No one! I have no one! No prospect! Nothing! I always knew in the back of my mind that I was going to end up alone. I just think of all the guys that I was (yes, was, cause I am cutting them ALL off! The bitter Carmen is back!) friends with and to think that they thought that I was not good enough for them because of my physical appearance. Then when I heard about it, the first person I called was Kesha. And was she any help? NO! When a person is hurting, you don't make fun of them and say cruel things. You listen and try to empathize with them. But, hey, everyone doesn't know how to be a good friend! Then to top it off, I was upset and dry, did she try to go back and empathize? No! She started back talking about herself like always. I call her to find out how the job search is going and I am always concerned about her feelings. You can ask anyone and they will tell you that I ALWAYS bring Kesha up. But when I need a shoulder (or phone) to cry on, she wasn't there. Then we were talking and she was saying that she would not be able to talk about her future relationship with her husband with any of her friends because they are not like that. And like always, she brought up the same two people: Tara and Tanisha. Are those the only two people she is concerned with? I try to talk to her about sex but she goes into this "I'm-a-virgin" mode. Then I begin to name off conversations that we had about relationships and she had amnesia. She couldn't remember any of it. I just hope that I am not more concerned with other people than they are with me. That must be a horrible way to live...and horrible friendships to have. Then what makes the situation all the more bad, she picks and chooses when she will feel sorry for herself or full of faith. Why in the world be wishy-washy? Pick a feeling and stick with it! She'll complain one minute about being lonely and not having a boyfriend then the next minute she is saying that she is happy being single without a prospect. Then she gets mad when people notice that she is "boy crazy". Everyone ain't coming up with the same conclusion if it is false. Ughhhh....I guess that I am just frustrated. I could say that it's not really about him, but in a way, it is. No, I didn't know him and no, we never dated. But....I liked him, ya know? I really did like him. He wasn't my type at all! But the fact that I looked over that and still saw the good in him and potential, that says a lot. I just wanna cry about it and get it over with. So I'll holla!