Graduation, Retreat, Male Species, and more

What's up? I know I haven't written in a while, so here it goes. Graduation came and has gone...leaving me still standing on the other side of the platform. I still have 19 credits to fulfill in order to graduate. So my original plans were to finish up in summer school and go home but I don't have the money to do it so I will be finishing up in the fall. All the classes that I need will be given that semester which is a God-send. So I have to take it one day at a time. Right now, I am just chillin' trying to relieve my stress levels because that stress was killing me. I have been sick for the past few months and no one can find out why. So I am being selective in who I deal with, who I talk to, what I do from day to day, and so forth. And guess what??? I LOVE IT! I love not doing anything all day...that is, until I have to go to work.

Next on the agenda is this situation with the retreat. I am trying to keep myself from being disappointed. I was given the job of putting it together for the most part but some of my suggestions are not being taken into account. You know...I'm not being fair. Let me start over. Actually....the message that God has been driving into me is to consecrate myself as a chosen vessel of God. That includes re-evaluating my spiritual moral, character, and so forth. How can I preach to the people if I am not practicing the same message? My lifestyle must coincide with my message. So I have been reading alot about the consecration of the Levites and priests. I figured that since everyone who is saved are considered royal priesthood, we must ALL consecrate ourselves. I had a scripture and everything but the Prez didn't like it. At first, I was upset but I had to check myself because I am not in charge. Maybe that message is just for me. So right now I am fighting the fleshly desire to cut myself off from the retreat committee. I know that is not a Godly attitude and it's just my pride, so that is another area I must work on. But in the same situation, I must speak up about this situation....I don't know. I know that she has the tendency to act funny when things don't go her way. She kinda shuts down and acts aloof. So, is this something that I tell her about herself or do I just drop it? I know that Tanisha would tell her, but I don't wanna be talking about this to other people as if it's a big problem, ya know?

There's this guy....isn't it always some guy? Anyways, there's this guy who contacted me on Hi5.com and made a comment about my picture. So, naturally I checked his page out and I liked what I saw. So I left a message about his picture. Then I saw that he was from Harvey so I said that one day we should get together and kick it. Now as I look back on it, I don't know why I did that because that is so unlike me to be so forward. Anyways, he hit me back and said for me to call him. Now y'all know what I did, right? Yep, I freaked out and ignored the message. About a month later, he hit me up again with the same message. So this time, I figured that he was interested and I called him. But it took lots of prompting from Kesha to get me to that point. And another factor in the situation was that his last name was Clark. Clark, y'all! For those who don't get it, there is this long-standing joke in my family about the Bell women. We tend to marry (ain't that a big word???) men whose last name begins with the first initial of our first name. For example, Beulah Bell; Gwendolyn Geiger; Patricia Posey; and Shannon Sandoval. Ain't that spooky? So I was drawn in with that. I called him and he didn't answer & just like a retard, I hung up without leaving a message. About 1 hour later, he calls me back and asks for me by name. We talked for about 20 minutes about nothing really. Let me tell you what I learned so you can help me make an intelligent decision:
He is single, 28, no ex-wives, no children, homeowner, professional worker, youngest of two children on his mother's side, his dad was a rolling stone. He likes to bowl at that place up there by Jewels by my house, he likes to sing, he likes to dance, he's currently fixing up his house through Home Depot, his mother is living with him because she is sick, he doesn't go to church but he "knows the Lawd". His business is shipping cars and stuff for corporations to other states, he has been transportation all of his life, he likes to call me 'gorgeous', he seemed real polite on the phone, and he said that he wanted to see me when I come back home. Now the downsides to him was the fact that he is NOT saved, he didn't ask too many questions about me, and the conversation was somewhat dull. But that could've been my fault because I don't do small talk to well. He also said that when I come home that he wanted to kidnap me from my family so we could spend lots of time together. Ain't that a bit quick, y'all??? Something about him reminds me of Kenji. Is that the type of man I should have but I don't know how to appreciate them? I don't know but I am telling people about him to keep me accountable 'cause it's been a minute since I've had a boyfriend. And I know I get when I get a man. The hormones start raging more than they usually do and I have an outlet to express them. So we'll see.

I got my Martin DVDs, I joined Netflix and my first movie was "The Amityville Horror" with Ryan Reynolds. That movie was frightening! It was so scary! I got my new Babyphat purse and I love it! Barbara is starting to step over that fine line. She went and told two other people about my past of being molested. WHY IN THE F@#K WOULD SHE DO THAT??!?!?!? She tried to justify it by saying that she told me that she was going to do that....as if that makes it ok? You don't tell me that you are going to do that, you ask me if you can do that! And besides, she never told me that she was going to do that because I would've told her NO!!!! It's nobody's business about what I do or my past! Furthermore, that is not the exact reason why I was upset. It was more to the problem that I didn't share with her and I am glad that I didn't. To top it off, she told Tanya! Me and Tanya ain't been vibein' in a long time so why put my business out there???? But whenever she tells me things, she quick to say to not tell anyone. So I have to confront her on that next time I talk to her. And this business with Tanya??? She came up to me and so called confronting me about how she wanted to apologize for anything she had done to me, but she was upset with me. You don't apologize with no "buts" in the sentence 'cause it negates everything you previously said. She said that she was going to stop trying to be my friend because the last couple of times she called I was dry. I was dry because I was upset. Everytime we planned something, she broke the engagement. And I was always giving in the friendship....picking her up at 2am, taking her to the doctor, taking her to the mall, paying for her food or whatever. What had she ever done for me? Name something and I'll apologize. When she was sick, I went to the store for her and got her lemon juice, OJ, honey, and milk with my money. When she broke down at work and left early, I went to her place to check on her. Now I'm going through something and she ain't there???? That's a slanted relationship and I need those types of relationships. I'mma grown woman, not some teenager striving to hold on to a friend. Friends come and go and I accept that. So I made plans to talk to her about these concerns and she kept breaking the engagement...typical! So those are two people I must confront...not including Tara.....about how I feel. I have promised myself that I will no longer act in a passive-aggressive manner but confront my feelings. It's a new me! Anyways, I will hit y'all back with more information as it comes, ahiaght???

Za-za zoo! Ain't that what we all are looking for???