Why does it hurt so bad?

History does repeat itself. I talked to Nate today. I don't know how he got my phone number but he called me on Sunday morning. Of course, I was asleep (another story) but when I checked my messages, he said that he would call me later. When he did call, he asked me where he knew me from. I was floored! I was just a notch on his headboard. After helping him remember me, he finally remembered me as the "preacher's daughter." Is that all I was? Then he said that he would call me later and hung up. I don't think he'll call. Why is my heart breaking all over again? I want him to call me back. Is it a ego thing where I don't want to be rejected? Whatever it is, it hurts...again. It's a feeling of inferiority, belittlement, and unimportance. Like I'm just a ho...a dime a dozen...a faceless person...a replaceable female....etc. How can women live their lives like that? I do remember that being with him almost killed me. I was so sad and depressed. And I would like to think I am in a better place, but after 3 minutes with him, it all came flooding back in. Am I still in love with him? Am I desperate? Desperation can't be the answer b/c I have people now. I don't know what it is but all I want to do is lie in the bed, cry and wait for him to call me. I suck....TTYL.