I just found out that Jay is mad at me...again. For what? Who knows??? He said that he was offended by something I wrote on my blog. I've written so much that I didn't know what he was talking about until I found his comment on my page. Apparently I said that I was upset with him because he lied to me. And I also said that he was supposed to be my rock and he turned out to be a mirage. Now tell me people, does that statement warrant an attitude? I think not. So I am going to elaborate on what I meant when I said what I said. I was angry with him when I found out about him and Yo. It wasn't so much her because we're not friends nor are we close. It was mostly him because I thought that we were close friends. I considered him a best friend - a big brother. He challenged me spiritually and led me to develop a biblical stance on several topics such as holiness and the rapture. I looked up to him and thought that he was a model saint. Of course, that was my fault because everyone falls short...no one is perfect. It just seemed to me that he was not trying anymore to be holy. That was MY observation and opinion. There had been times when I talked to him that he would cuss in the conversation and tell lewd jokes. It really shocked me because I never viewed him as that type of person which led me to believe that he only showed me (and others) what he wanted me to see in regards to his personality. But I have matured and formed an opinion on that - people aren't perfect and we should all take heed lest we stumble...which I have done over and over and over again. And considering I don't have a heaven or hell to place him in, it's none of my business! I'll just pray for him in addition to myself and keep going. But the kicker is - what's to be mad about? That's a gay move in my opinion. That should roll of anyone's back - especially a guy's back. I can see if I were giving intimate details about his life (which I don't know and don't care to know), but I was giving MY take on the situation and MY feelings regarding him. But if he feels like he can't be friends or friendly towards me if he's not controlling my thoughts, then forget him! I forgot to give this information - In November of 2007, Curtis a.k.a. P.B. passed away from pneumonia. I talked to him like 3 weeks before he died and he was telling me that he wanted to come to Chicago to see me because he really liked me because I never lied to him and always kept it real. I shied away from him because I didn't like him like that. After a few weeks of not hearing from him, I began emailing him but was not getting a response. After a month and a half, I was emailing him and calling him everyday. Then I said forget it and left it alone. After a while, it began to bug me that I hadn't heard from him so I went to his Myspace page and saw lots of R.I.P.s. I didn't understand. I thought that he had gotten off Myspace and people were saying goodbye to him on the website. After reading comments and stuff on his family and friends page. I got this heavy sick feeling in my stomach that he was dead but I needed proof. I emailed his sister and she told me that he had, in fact, passed away in November. I found that out in April. I felt like a horrible person because I didn't know he was sick. Whenever we talked, we always talked about me and my moving back to Chicago. I felt and still feel like a selfish friend. I could've traveled to Kansas City to take care of him. I could've told him to get his shots, especially with him working in the hospital. And the sick part is that I pursued him...I told him that I liked him. I was talking about marriage until he told me how tall he was. How shallow is that??? Now I miss him like crazy! R.I.P. Pooh Bear! Now after finding out about Curtis, I read a blog that Barbara's niece wrote. It was saying that her aunt had passed away. I was sick! I was thinking, "First Curtis and now Barbara!" I couldn't function. I was emailing her niece and nephew everyday to find out what was going on with Barbara. I heard from her and she said that Barbara and the kids were doing good. And then since we were traveling to Dallas for the convention, I figured that I would visit her and the kids. I gave her niece my number and she said that she would give it to her. Needless to say, I haven't heard from her yet. I really wanna talk to Barbara. I miss her too. I emailed Yo to apologize about the stuff on here about her. I just felt like I needed to do that because I was ruthless in some of the things I said. She said that she didn't know anything about what I was talking about and accepted the apology. I felt better because I don't like people being mad at me when I am to blame for the madness....and sometimes it depends on the person and/or situation. I felt like everything was squashed. She came to our Family and Friends concert. It seemed to me like she was avoiding talking to me. I immediately left the choir stand to speak to her but got sidetracked with Lil' Billy. I sat him down right in front of him and turned to speak and she was gone. When I finally got to speak, she said that she was making her rounds. But don't you think that if we had just buried the hatchet that she would've found her way to speak as a sign of goodwill? Maybe I'm wrong but it felt like nothing had changed but my hands are clean. I did what I had to do and it's squashed. In addition to her hesitancy in speaking, it felt so phony. I HATE phoniness! I'd rather you not say nothing at all than to be phony with me. That's why me and the wildebeest don't speak. Don't come at me all phony and fake. I don't know how to respond to that. Lastly, Gerri and I are going to Nassau for Christmas!!! I am so excited. I found an all-inclusive hotel for $1000/wk. After my trip to Wisconsin Dells to that all-inclusive lodge, I now believe that there is no other way to travel and stay. We got to eat whenever we wanted to. We got into all the waterparks on the grounds. We got all the liquor we wanted. I was in 7th Heaven! So I am going to have FUN this Christmas. And the bonus??? I get to see J.D.! I don't know why I am crushing on him like I am. It's funny. Guess who else I'm crushing on? Freddie...I know what you all are saying. I don't want him but he is so adorable and cute. He reminds me of Marty so much. That's all for now. I will keep up with this now that I know people are reading again!
XOXO
No comments:
Post a Comment