Today was a boring day!!! I woke up extremely late (1pm) and realized I missed Tina's mother's funeral....ok ok I confess. I didn't realize it; I just didn't wanna get up and go out in the cold so early in the morning. Anita called me around 11am and I ignored her call (as usual lol) because I'm not going to be bullied into going to something (the funeral) I don't really wanna go to. And I'm not going to allow people to make me feel bad for not going. I checked my email & FB. I basically hid my phone so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone...and if Al called, then I wouldn't be tempted to answer the phone. I am avoiding his calls right now. On Friday night, I was so PISSED at him. He couldn't get away because he was with his family and kids. I understand that...I mean, I don't particularly like it but I understand. But what pissed me off was the fact that I got a TEXT instead of a phone call wishing me a Happy New Year. Then I got a TEXT instead of a phone call informing me that he was not coming around. I had to ask him when I would be expecting him in order to get that answer. His response felt like a blow-off response which really hurt. And all he said was "I'm sorry." I didn't hear from him again until Saturday afternoon. He could've called when the kids went to bed...he could've snuck away at the party to call me...he could've called me while at the airport. But I can be understanding when you have two small kids who need your undivided attention. So I don't know if I'm wrong for being mad. He was in town for practically a whole week and I saw him twice. And I don't know if I'm being selfish and petty or if I should be disappointed. I was disappointed when I didn't hear from him after Sunday night/Monday morning until Wednesday. And the more I think about it, I really get hurt by it all because I felt like some random jumpoff. I thought that he would've wanted to call me or whatever everyday. I don't know....I'm was so devastated on Friday. I slept with the phone by my side in case he called me....I cancelled my plans on NYE because I thought that we were going to bring in the new year together (at a later time of course). And today, I have not heard from him at all. I'm not all that torn up about that because I never hear from him on the weekend. Why? Who knows but its something I've got to deal with. Now I know you may be asking: Why am I putting up with all of this? And the answer is a two-fold answer: I don't know & because I love him. Or maybe its because I'm afraid of being alone. But I think the answer is because I love him. And I didn't realize how much I loved him until that Sunday night. It was so easy and natural to just be with him. If everyday could be like that, my life would be perfect. I actually cried because I was so disappointed that it was going to end and that I couldn't keep him and that he wasn't mine. He actually told me that he was in love with me. What exactly does that mean? And what does that entail? The reason he gave for being in love with me is because I genuinely love and care about him and I would always have his back. And that's true...but I'm like that with all of my friends that I love. I would fight to the death for any of my friends and family and I include him in that. I view my friends as my family. I try to take care of them the best way I can. So should he be in love with me because of that? Enough of this....just know that I am in love with that man regardless of what has happened. So I guess that means I'm in trouble! lol School starts in a few weeks..or maybe days? After I finish updating this, I am going to find all the documentation that I need to get financial aid because I don't wanna pay for this outta pocket. I am trying to save up to move out of this house! I don't know exactly where or when but it will be soon. I'm looking to get a house but a condo wouldn't be too bad either...just as long as it's a good one. I stayed at Della's house and dealt with all that drama and I said to myself, "Not me!" Her friend, Larry, has a real nice townhouse in Lansing that was too too too cute. I could do that but I think I wanna stay in the city. Or I might just move out of the state. I don't know right now. All I need to focus on is school so I can get it together. Speaking of getting it together...I need to buy a new car ASAP. On Thursday night, the driver's door latch got frozen and wouldn't lock. So I had to drive while holding the door closed. Ridiculous! So with the income tax return, I'm going to invest in another brand new car. I think I want it to be black and has to have leather seats for Dash and Lucky. And I need satellite radio...that's a must! Other than those....and power everything, I'm cool. I'm excited. That's all for now...
No comments:
Post a Comment