OK, I promised myself that I would be more diligent in my blogging, especially at this time when I have all of this to deal with and no one to talk to about it. SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT: THANKS NEECY for all your help! So this particular blog is going to be to him...all the things that I wanted to say so it might sound confusing, contradictory, and wordy but this is my heart.
Hey. I'm sure you're doing good. You always have a way of landing on your feet which is a good survivoristic (if that's a word) skill. Its been two weeks since everything went down. I have no clue how you did it, but you have managed to come out on top. I, however, have lost alot of what I cared about. And I don't want to keep rehashing everything but I need to talk about this. These panic attacks are not good for me. I need to be able to concentrate in order to finish school and move on. At first, you were always on my mind. But lately, its just random, yet inopportune, times when I think of you. For instance, right now. I have a presentation to prepare for tonite's class but all I can think about is you. And when I think on everything, I shouldn't be thinking of you at all. So let's start off with this Friday and Saturday. I do want to apologize for tempting you. I knew what I was doing and it was selfish of me. I guess I just needed to know how you felt about everything, especially since that was a special day. And I now know why you called me at 11:30pm..that's when I finally showed up. It was sweet that you remembered. But when Saturday came, you didn't have to act that way. You acted as if I was the one who cheated on you...who treated you wrong...who wanted your life destroyed. I didn't appreciate that and it really hurt that you did that. It was like reliving all of those previous incidences all over again. You promised you wouldn't do that and you broke that promise. You promised that you wouldn't ever leave me and you broke that promise as well. And I know that you're still talking to the young chick which probably means that you're still talking to Brandi. I can't...actually I could but I won't compete with them. You know that I can't deal with being number two. I compromised that rule for you on the basis that it was only me and her. But when you told me that there were like 4 other chicks, my ego and esteem was bruised. Was that why you kept trying to get me to move to Philly? So you could stop cheating? Probably not. I just can't believe that I loved you...that I believed you...that I trusted you. But moving on from this cause I don't want to keep beating you up over this. Its a dead issue and it is what it is. We can't change what happened...all we can do is learn and move forward from this. What did I learn? I learned to listen to that small voice and pay attention to those red flags. And now
Hey. I'm sure you're doing good. You always have a way of landing on your feet which is a good survivoristic (if that's a word) skill. Its been two weeks since everything went down. I have no clue how you did it, but you have managed to come out on top. I, however, have lost alot of what I cared about. And I don't want to keep rehashing everything but I need to talk about this. These panic attacks are not good for me. I need to be able to concentrate in order to finish school and move on. At first, you were always on my mind. But lately, its just random, yet inopportune, times when I think of you. For instance, right now. I have a presentation to prepare for tonite's class but all I can think about is you. And when I think on everything, I shouldn't be thinking of you at all. So let's start off with this Friday and Saturday. I do want to apologize for tempting you. I knew what I was doing and it was selfish of me. I guess I just needed to know how you felt about everything, especially since that was a special day. And I now know why you called me at 11:30pm..that's when I finally showed up. It was sweet that you remembered. But when Saturday came, you didn't have to act that way. You acted as if I was the one who cheated on you...who treated you wrong...who wanted your life destroyed. I didn't appreciate that and it really hurt that you did that. It was like reliving all of those previous incidences all over again. You promised you wouldn't do that and you broke that promise. You promised that you wouldn't ever leave me and you broke that promise as well. And I know that you're still talking to the young chick which probably means that you're still talking to Brandi. I can't...actually I could but I won't compete with them. You know that I can't deal with being number two. I compromised that rule for you on the basis that it was only me and her. But when you told me that there were like 4 other chicks, my ego and esteem was bruised. Was that why you kept trying to get me to move to Philly? So you could stop cheating? Probably not. I just can't believe that I loved you...that I believed you...that I trusted you. But moving on from this cause I don't want to keep beating you up over this. Its a dead issue and it is what it is. We can't change what happened...all we can do is learn and move forward from this. What did I learn? I learned to listen to that small voice and pay attention to those red flags. And now
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