Moving on....

I lied...I told him that I was great. There are some days when I am good and some days when I'm not. I'm putting myself out there and I hate it. I was semi-content with being single before him. Now it feels like I need someone to take this pain away. And I'm meeting lots of nice, good-looking, eligible men but at the end of the day, I'm still thinking about Alfonse. I actually cried Saturday night and Sunday night. Last year, he called me and wished me a Happy Mothers Day. I didn't get that this year...no text or email or nothing. Then I thought that I would hear from him that Monday morning but nothing. He's basically telling me that I'm not important to him. It hurts...even if he says that he misses me. He could email me. It feels like he really did phase me out. I don't know what to do....I'm forced to be here and I don't particularly like it. But whatever...these feelings come and go. I must remember that it hasn't even been a month yet. I can't expect to be over these feelings so soon...even though he has. I wonder if I meant anything to him or was I just his bankroll. All those promises and words...were they empty words or did they even mean anything? I can't ask him to explain the cheating 'cause it wasn't just me that he was cheating on. If I were closer, would he have still cheated on me? That song by Alicia Keys, was that really for me? Was he really in love with me or were those just words? When he hear songs on the radio, do I cross his mind? Does he feel bad about what he did to me? What was my ranking within all those women? Was he really planning on breaking up with Brandi? and the other women? Anyways, these questions will kill me. (HAVE I WROTE ABOUT THIS ALREADY?)

Like I said...I've met some real cool guys lately. I met this one guy, Nick, that I really like. He's from Boston. He's 34yrs old...handsome and nice. It'll be nice to deal with a nice guy for a change. And he wants to fly me to Boston for a week...not a weekend but a week. And HE wants to send for ME instead of me spending my money for a nigga that don't appreciate it. Ugh!!! How in the world did I deal with that for so long??? But what am I crying about? I would go back in a New York minute lol. Anyways, I will write with more details later. XOXO