Juicy Gossip

*****IF YOU ARE READING THIS, YOU GOTTA TAKE THIS TO THE GRAVE****

Today was crazy! I had to tell somebody so I naturally called Neicey first then blogged about it. Let's start with last night. My sister has this friend, LeRon, who is a musician and likes her. He actually told her that he wanted to marry her. He's nice-looking and he deals with her in spite of her craziness. I met him last night on Skype and we were all just tripping out and having fun. So she starts leading him on saying stuff like,

"I wanna see my name on your work. How can I accomplish that?"
"You know how you can do that. I already told you," he says.
"Hmmm. Is that right?" she asks.
"Yeah. Mr and Mrs Leron (whatever his last name is) sounds good to me," he says.

Now why is she leading this man on? She tells him that she loves him but she don't love him like that. Why do that? Is that supposed to be cute? I would hate for someone to string me along just to feed their ego or selfish need so I empathize with people that go thru that. That's one guy. Then there's another guy...a young guy that had her picking up his dry-cleaning. When he calls, her voice changes which annoys the piss outta me. Why do women have to change their voice when a man calls? How pathetic!!! Anyways, he asked her "Am I getting the hotel room?" Hotel room? I thought that she was celibate for 10 months. She JUST told me this two weeks ago. Why the hell is she lying? I HATE THAT!! Then she's still messing with the married dude. She just hooked up with him in April....and it was at the midwinter convention. WTF??? At the church convention? Who does that? She can't say nothing else to me!!! I can't even look at her. I can understand if you're doing that. We all fall short but don't play like you don't do it. I remember one time when we were talking about the Single's Ministry and she was adamant about not having classes or services on how to live celibate. She was saying that if one came to Bible Class, then they would know how to do that already. And that not all people struggled with sex. I can't even look at her right now. I am so disgusted. And like I said before, its not because she's doing all of that 'cause Lord knows I have no room to judge people. It's the uppity, holier-than-thou attitude she carries herself with. But I guess I would have to understand that she's a hurting individual who is trying to block out pain that she is not dealing with the best she knows how. One abortion, one miscarriage and one nearly fatal ectopic pregnancy, I would be emotionally crazy, too. I do sympathize and feel sorry for her. I don't know how that feels...well not fully. But since I prevent myself from feeling most things, I can't fully understand. You know? Just writing that out helped me get over the anger. She's just as lost as anyone else....and prideful which prevents her from showing her vulnerability.

Is it pride that prevents me from showing my true feelings? Or is it grooming from living in a household with emotionally hard people? Crying is not smiled upon in this house. Telling someone that they hurt your feelings will just open the door for them to either say "Then I'll just leave you alone" or "Whatever...you'll get over it." I am an emotional mess haha. Anyways, I'm sure you remember what I wrote about my mom. She encourages us to "play the field." I'm not a player. I am too sincere and genuine to do that. I like to say what I feel and I can't fake what I don't feel. Do you think that hinders me in my love life? I can't let people spend money on me if I'm not feeling them. I feel so guilty and like I'm using them. My mom says that they would do it to me in a minute. But does that make it right? Anyways, am I being a hypocrite? Do I subconsciously have higher standards for Candace than I do for myself? If I can fall for a married man, why can't she? If I am still sleeping with him, why can't she? The question that I do have is how does she (and the guy 'cause he's an assistant Pastor) still pray and preach knowing that they're sinning? Don't they feel like hypocrites? Don't they feel convicted? Don't they feel like they don't deserve to talk to God? I know I do. IDK....moving on....

Guess what I found out? I forgot to tell Neicey this one but Mr. Arnold used to be in the Special Ed classes in grammer school!!! She's a f-ing retard haha. And Marquetta slept with him lol. That would explain alot of things. But just think...I let this mentally challenged man kiss my neck. Did we take advantage of him since we're not retarded? Does that put us (well not so much me) in the same category as a pedophile or a cougar or something? So funny....

Lastly, the guy LeRon asked me about Duward. I had to be honest. I feel bad now that I had nothing positive to say about him. I need to pray about that. I want to start looking for the positive in EVERYONE and not just the people that I like. But I guess I don't really know him anymore and I'm sure he has some positive qualities that he allows people that are close to him to see. That is my goal for the next few weeks.

I wanted to talk about Alfonse but since he makes a guest appearance in every post, I think I will give him a vacation today even though today was a big blogging day for him. Maybe tomorrow or something. Ok I'm tired so I'm gone to bed. Ain't it crazy that just as I was about to logg off, my song came on which motivated me to write this list....these songs make me swoon everytime!

Favorite Love Songs

1. When Will I See You Smile - BBD
2. Can You Stand The Rain - New Edition
3. I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Badd
4. Feenin' - Jodeci
5. Merry Go Round - Keith Sweat

I'm tired again so I will continue this list later when I compile the songs good.

XOXO