It has been a minute. I wasn't gonna blog for a while. Sometimes there is nothing in your life to talk about. But I've learned that when I stop talking, then there is something troubling on my mind. And sure enough....something is definitely troubling my mind. I wish I could talk about it but I need to formulate it completely in my mind first. If I were to just start talking, then I would confuse EVERYONE! lol However, I did get some clarity this weekend. I find that I'm hopelessly in love with his guy....a guy who will never be mine. That causes me turmoil. And lately it has been messing with me. Just like it messes with Nate. Can you believe that he said that he can't hang out with me because his feelings for me has not left? At first I thought that it was a bunch of B.S., but I can relate to what he's feeling. Its hard to be around someone you have feelings for and can't have them. But the difference between me and him is that I would appreciate anything I could get from that person. So if that person wanted to hang out with me, I would gladly take it because "something is better than nothing." Anyways....I have clarity today. Maybe it was the lack of sleep (I did get over 12 hours of rested sleep lol) or just the change of scenary but I feel better today. I still miss this guy like crazy....I miss him so much that it hurts but I've got to move on. He told me that I could bounce back from him if I wanted to. And at first that pissed me off but he's right. I could bounce back from him IF I wanted to. The sad fact is that I don't want to. Its just crazy...I've never really been in love before. I've ran from that because I was scared to let go and give in to someone because I wasn't ready to settle down and start a family. But this guy MADE me love him and MADE me think about starting a family and now its not a possibility. I can't see myself being with anyone else. Yeah I can date but I don't think I would find anyone I could open up to...but who knows? The bottom line is that I feel better. But I still have alot to sort through and figure out. Stay tuned! lol
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