Today was a fun day. I went downtown early today because....I had a date....with Nate lol. Now I know I can hear y'all laughing (especially you Dina) but it was actually cool. I owed him from all the times I stood him up. So we went to some burger place. He was fun. I was pleasantly surprised at how natural it felt and how much fun I had. We didn't really talk about anything serious. But I had tons of fun. He was chivalrous. He carried my computer bag. He walked me to the train station as well. He even bought me a large bag of Garretts popcorn. I told him that we should do that once a week so next week we're doing Giordano's. I used to wonder about what the appeal was about him but as I sat there and watched him, I remembered what the attraction was. He entertains me..he makes me laugh...he allows me to be a complete jerk with no judgment. I love it! My day was so busy traveling on the trains and buses. I could write a book on the things I saw today. I saw a group of teen boys from Taft HS and I told myself that I did not remember high school boys being so attractive. They were cute but they were so ignorant. They were talking about this gay boy and joking about each other being gay. Gay-phobia...lol. And I saw the ugliest woman in the whole wide world. I usually don't like calling other women ugly but this chick was fugly. She had a mustache, mousy hair, bushy untamed eyebrows, really bad skin and sores around her mouth. Then this old man got on the bus and was yelling for someone to get up so he could sit down. She was sitting next to a young teenager but she jumps up and kinda goes off on the man. Why didn't the little boy get up? Better her than me, huh? I would've popped off. Speaking of popping off, Nate gave me a new nickname. My old nickname was Carmello 'cause I was sweet with a caramel-complexion. He said that since I got a smart mouth, I wasn't worthy to have the nickname Carmello. Everybody used to call me Carmello. They would call my house and ask to speak to Carmello. So now my new nickname is No-Show since I stand him up. He was telling me how he loves looking into my beautiful eyes and how he invites me to his parties and stuff because he likes being around me and spending time with me. I told him that I couldn't understand that. Why did he like being around me and spending time with me. The answers he gave were well thought out and impressive. I'm going to Vegas in December!! I should bring Otis. I need to do something with him soon. Thinking of Otis makes me think about everything. I keep putting myself in these predictaments. I keep putting my heart out there for it to be crushed over and over and over and over again. Why do I keep doing this? Its never going to change and I think I need to be the mature and strong one to make the decision. Yeah its gonna hurt. Yeah its gonna feel like my heart has been ripped into bits. No I probably won't ever love again. But c'est la vie, right? I'm going to just do it. And I can't look back 'cause it'll hurt too much. I just hate crying over this night after night. I try everything to block it out and ignore the pain until I see a love movie and its all over. I'm watching this movie "About Last Night" and it reminds me of love especially Elizabeth Perkins' role. When she broke up with her boyfriend, it stung so bad. And when Demi tore that cloth in half, I related to that feeling. All of her dreams were destroyed when they broke up. Anyhoo...gotta go read. XOXO
No comments:
Post a Comment