This scripture sums up this entire year. It has been a bumpy, challenging, emotionally draining year yet I have surpassed some of my biggest fears and dreams. I've learned alot about myself this year. I've learned how to be a better friend. I've learned how to say no. I've learned my limitations. I learned that no one can do me better than my bestie. I've learned to stop procrastinating...well, learning to stop procrastinating lol. When life got hard and I didn't think I could go on, time healed those wounds. Time. That is the magic secret. If you wait, it'll get better. Just take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Do I wish things could've been different? Hell yeah! There are some things that I could've gone without but I guess you have to "count it ALL joy." I guess I can highlight some memorable events of 2010.
- Going back to school. I was stoked that I got into this program and they took all of my credits and work from ORU into consideration AND accepted everything. I only have a year to go before I have my degree in psychology and then I can accept that wonderful job that is still waiting for me.
- I was arrested on my birthday and my car got towed away. As a result, my license is suspended and I can't drive. I went through a bout of depression regarding that. I am so used to be independent - going and coming when I wanted to. I am not accustomed to relying on someone else. I am not used to be confined
- I broke up with Alfonse. It felt like my life was destroyed. I definitely went through a bout of depression. I thought that he wanted to be with me and I was pregnant and with one phone call, all of that died. I remember when I got the phone call...I called off work and hung out with Tara all day. That was back in April and we've gone through much much more since then. The most memorable was when I went to Philadelphia in July for his birthday. Looking back retrospectively, I see how far I had sunken to get his attention. He didn't want me and I was forcing myself on him. I had made a fool of myself. But that was then and this is NOW. We're now not together and I'm strangely okay. I thought I would break down but I'm okay...and I will continue to be okay. The only apprehension is to think of him not being in my life anymore but I'll be okay :)
- Giving up the praise team. I hadn't really talked about this but Marquetta approached me and said that if I didn't give up my position that she would get off. I was dealing with my depression thing and felt railroaded into making the decision. That team was my baby! So I gave it up and she basically kicked me off. I learned that she wasn't a true friend. There is some animosity there...maybe some jealousy but that was the price I had to pay for my actions.
- Meeting Kevin in Philadelphia (don't try to figure that one out lol). He helped me so much...just being a friend and giving me that fatherly advice. He made my summer and times in Philadelphia fun. I'm so glad I met him!
- Talking to (and occasionally hooking up with) various guys. I was going through a hard patch and my ego and self-esteem needed to be boosted so I started going out with losers. I knew they were losers but I figured it was better than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself and obsessing over Alfonse. While I did go to some fun place (BEST PLACE: Outdoor concert where I learned about my love for Raheem DeVaughn. WORST PLACE: Detroit, Michigan). But I learned that I don't NEED a man, I only want one. And I can't compromise.
This year has gone pass soooo fast. I can't believe that it is December already. I thank God for the people that are in my life and who passed through my life. I thank God for great friends like Tara and Katisha. They have been there through the ups and downs and still stood by my side and never doubted who I was. I thank God for my family who keeps me humble and support me, especially lately with picking me up and driving me around. I thank God for Alfonse who taught me the message of patience and forgiveness. I thank God for Earl who keeps me laughing and humble. I don't think he knows how much I rely on him. I thank God for Candace who is just there...especially during Grey's Anatomy, Angel and Yoga. I thank God for Anita who takes me on my pregnancy test runs and checkups. She listens and helps me feel better. I thank God for...Him. In spite of what I've done, said, behaved, believed or went, He still loves me and wants me. How can that be? I turned my back on him for a man...ultimate sin in my book. But He never threw me away. Thanks God! Anyways, back to my wonderful and fulfilling life lol. XOXO
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