I'M DONE

I was trying to prevent myself from blogging, especially this, because I have followers and I wanna keep some things to myself. But I have no one to talk to about this so I must type this one out and be my own critic. I feel like I've been played a fool. Have you ever silenced the warning voices in your head and made a decision based off of popularity? And now I'm here left to deal with my decision. I have been pondering this all day. And I think I'm right.....I was lied to. And what's worst is that I fell for it. But never ever again! I'm done! I've thought about it and the best advice I can give myself is to go ahead and do what you wanna do but keep it to yourself. I know I sound so vague...let me start from the beginning. I was left to make a decision. I knew what I was going to choose but I allowed myself to be coaxed into making another decision. I trusted the person who coaxed me. Now it looks like the decision was wrong and this person is stepping back to leave me flying in the wind. I hate relying on other people because this is what you are left with. But I can say as of right now::::::: I AM DONE TRUSTING YOU! I AM DONE WITH YOU!!! PERIOD!

This paper I am writing is getting on my nerves. I think I am gonna be up all night. I am crazy tired. I've been trying to make up on all of the work I missed last week. Ugh....but I welcome the challenge. I just need a caffeine jolt. Then I have these job interviews next week. This guy, Mr. Hunter, really wants me to come to his city to work. I was just there and he was so unprofessional...until he sent a nice Lincoln towncar for me and had the driver take me downtown so I can pick up some special stuff that went to waste lol. I talked to him today and he was saying that a common colleague is starting a non-profit organization for homeless mentally ill individuals. I have experience in that particular field with Tim but that was so political that we didn't really help anyone. And the ones that we did help, the were sabotaged by the system to fail. Two of the organizations are just starting out and need a grant writer which is where I could come in. I'm no expert in writing grants but I can hold my own. IDK.....If I want to start an organization to help society, I would want to help my people in Chicago first. And the bigger question is...do I stay there? Or do I do my time and come back home? But that question is to be answered in the far future.

Do you know that I have yet to hear from Alfonse? I'm not all that surprised. I texted him Monday about the job offers and he gave me a dry "wow." And earlier that day, he says that he got my emails and that what I was asking him to do was too much and would take time. SMH.....But I did find myself wanting his attention today. Ugh....I was scared this would happen. It feels like I'm being played all around lol. Anyways, I'm not going to worry about that. I know what I've gotta do...what I'm doing. Gotta get back to my paper. Smooches XOXO