This post is going to be funny as hell! If you don't know, I work as a prayer partner. We receive tons of calls from people all over the world wanting prayer and help, but all we are allowed to do is pray and hang up. The concept is great for people who are saved and are already applying the Word in their circumstances. But when we receive calls from people who are not saved and don't understand the importance of the Word. They call lacking hope or looking for answers. Or sometimes they have warped views regarding the Word. And all we are required to do is pray. That is frustrating when you clearly see the answer but are not allowed to give it to them. Or people who are just lonely looking to talk to someone, especially the old people. But sometimes we get crazy calls from crazy people. We have a list of people that we talk about on a regualar basis. I wrote a story about it. Like to hear it? Here it goes:
There's this guy named Tom from New York. He's my personal favorite. He constantly says that he is living in a hell-hole. He complains that he feels lower than a dog and wants to die. He went to school in Colorado to become a doctor. When he went to take the test (I don't know which ones), he flunked it more than seven times. After the seventh time, they banned him from taking it again. He says that it is a conspiracy. That a Jewish guy took his test and passed as his own. So since then, he has been living in New York complaining ever since. He lives with his mother and he says that she gets on his last nerves. He is such a skeptic that I said that he would be an excellent writer. It just goes to show that some people like living in self-pity. He could write a Broadway play or screenplay. It would be funny, too. He cracks me up whenever I talk to him. He tells me that he used to date Condoleeza Rice (or Cunnilingus Rice) and she had the same hairstyle. He also said that he used to date Lil' Kim but she dumped him because he was broke. He is so funny. I crack up whenever I talk to him. He also said that we couldn't date because I would break all of his furniture because I am too fat.
The next caller is Nancy from Florida. She is crazy!! She calls wanting us to pray against witchcraft from her ex-mother-in-law, Kate. She says that this woman is doing voodoo against her. This poor little woman is the cause of all her problems, including her unemployment. Her son, Tommy Jr., is in the army and rarely contacts her. She says that it is because of this woman. Nancy will call the ministry for prayer yet interrupt us saying, "We need to bind Kate 'cause she..." then she proceeds to tell the prayer request over again. 15 seconds later, she says, "Uh, we need to bind Kate 'cause...." and the cycle repeats itself. Then if she don't like how you are praying, she will hang up on you. One time, I asked if we should pray for Kate's salvation and she had a fit! She said that Kate was a witch who didn't want to be saved. The next caller is Bob. He is an Asian man who calls with the same request in the same way with the same words in the same deadpan tone. It would be funny if we weren't so annoyed with the other callers. He says the same thing every time. "Hi, this is Bob. There are demonic attacks blocking my mind. Pray that they would stop blocking my mind." And he says it in an Asian accent. He is so annoying. Obviously he needs medication...along with all the other callers. The last call I will talk about is Barry. He's another caller who repeats the same prayer request everytime he calls. He talks with a speech impediment. All of his "R's" sound like "W's". It's so funny. He calls and says, "Hi, it's me. Bawwy! I'm a longtime fwiend of the ministwy. I want pwayer fow healing. Healing of my mind, soul, body, and stwength." He then speeds through every bodypart known to man from his fingernails to his teeth. There is a segment in each call where we must ask if the callers are 'born again' and have their 'prayer language'. So when I ask if he has his prayer language. He says that he had it a long time ago but he went to fast in the ministry. He says, "Too much fasting, too much pwayer, too much staying up at night. I went too fast. I went to mental hospital in New Yowk". Then after the prayer, he wants us to lead him into a prayer which is usually the Lord's prayer. Just tonight, I've had him at least three times. Why do these people get on the phone and call us? Well, that's enough for now. Just wait for Part 2!
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