I finally got it right! I changed the website and I must say that I am pleased lol. I didn't really have nothing to blog about this week but since I'm up, I figured I'd write. The most eventful thing is that I started a new class this week. This teacher seems to know what she is doing. I am excited about this class...even though I haven't bought the book yet. I am gonna go on Monday after work to pick up the book. Maybe I can get my dad to take me if I treat him to lunch. And if that is so, then I know EXACTLY where he's gonna wanna go lol. Another thing is...Julie got my grade all the way wrong. Can you believe she gave me a D+??? I was floored when I saw that grade. Do you know what that'll do to my GPA? I emailed her right away. She said that she hadn't gotten my argument paper and the grades were due. Ok...I'll give her that. She said that she would try to look into changing the grade since I turned in the paper. Here's the kicker...the paper was only 30pts. I never missed a class, participated in class and turned in my work. And for 1 effing paper, I get a D+? That's bananas. So she emailed me back and said that I was missing a couple of assignments. Then I remembered that when I would turn in my work, I didn't put my name on it. I would completely forget to put my name on them. How dumb!!! So I told her that and hopefully that grade will change. Besides, I can't graduate with a D in a major class. Then as I'm looking for classes for the summer, I find that the classes that I need are not being held during the summer so that might prolong graduation. Bah hum bug!!! I need to talk to Denise, my counselor, to see what she can do. I need to get outta school ASAP. I am burned out especially on information that will not particularly benefit my field of study. I wanna go into sexual therapy. Now I know what you all are thinking...what in the world is that? And why would you choose that field? Here's why....there are so many people who deal with issues surrounding sex such as molestation, rape, abuse, deviant behavior, etc. Especially looking at pedophiles and rapists...who counsels them? With the recidivism rate of 88%, more needs to be done. And considering that nearly 70% of molested and/or raped children (especially boys) grow up to be pedophiles and/or rapists, something needs to be done. And what about men and women who were sexually violated in the penal system? They need help too. Or individuals who are confused about their sexual orientation? Or individuals who have emotional walls when it comes to sex? Or sexual problems like individuals who can not have sex without "motivation" such as pornography and/or deviant behaviors? And these people are also in the church. Would Christians with these problems go to their pastors? Deacons? The mothers of the church? Hell no! Would they feel comfortable going to a liberal therapist? Probably not, especially if they are in holiness. So that's where I come in. Breaking down those taboo walls and allowing them the freedom to express their feelings without judgment. Now when it comes to pedophiles and rapists, I do know that it will take some special training. And in addition to that, I wouldn't mind doing youth counseling...or counseling period. IDK....I've got time to figure this out though. All I need to have happen is the changing of that grade.
Speaking of pedophiles....I saw "The Ghost Writer" tonite and it was excellent. Roman Polanski did an excellent job with that movie. I was sitting in attention the entire time. I didn't get to go see Sucker Punch. Earl wanted to go out to eat but didn't wanna go to the movies. Candace was pulling the "I'm tired" routine so we just stayed home.
I've been talking to Alfonse this past week. Last week, he pulled a disappearing act on me. I figured he was in one of his moods where he didn't feel like being bothered or he went on a sex bender. What is a sex bender? Where one gets so "frustrated" that they overindulge with the vice(s) of their choice. Whether it be porn, surfing the Internet for "dates", etc. It happens...I understand. Its an addiction and we all relapse. Relapse is a part of recovery. But idk exactly what happened. So it had been a whole week since I had heard from him. Wednesday morning, he calls me. I was fuming. The first two or three days, I was cool. We had been talking so much that I didn't mind the break. By that Monday, I was feening. I just KNEW he was gonna call me. No call. Tuesday, I was frustrated and upset. I ended up releasing the frustration instead of ignoring it and I felt better. That Wednesday, I was upset but not frustrated. We, of course, had it out. He didn't have an excuse which let me know that he had probably been on a bender. As we got to talking, I had an epiphany. I realized that I was being used by him to get his wife attention which is so ironic (if that) because I fight to get his attention. So while I'm doing all I can to get him to notice me, he's doing the same thing but for his wife. Isn't that convenient! So I made the decision to end the relationship - no contact, no reading my blog, no emails, no phone calls, nothing. Even while I was saying it, I knew that I didn't wanna do it. I couldn't do it but I just wanted to see if he'd fight for me. And in a way, I wanted to spare myself the heartache. What'll happen if 6 months from now, he realizes that he doesn't want me or even like me or whatever? That leaves me nowhere. Then he was saying that he was never gonna leave his wife. So what is my purpose in the relationship? To provide sex? I want my own man.....not someone elses. I'm not particularly looking to get married tomorrow. But I wanna have that option...I want to have those talks about the future with my man. Needless to say, he talked me back with some good game. He's saying "I love you" and calling me "baby" and he even formed his fingers ('cause it was typed lol) to say that he is the one for me...always have and will be. Then this man gives me the passcodes to ALL of his accounts...emails and even Facebook. You know I was tempted to check it out but I refrained. Just because I knew that he regretted giving them to me as soon as he typed them. And that is definitely an invasion of privacy. I gave him my info too. I don't mind if he looks because I wanna share all me with him. But I know he's a stickler on privacy. You remember how he blew up about the whole Brandi and Facebook thing. And remember when I was asking about his phone? How defensive he got? I said 'never again.' Besides, I don't wanna be like his wife or have him thinking that he needs to do this to pacify me or whatever. I'd only look if he asked me to. Besides, I'm working on trusting him again. I can't say I trust him if I'm checking his stuff. And he could delete all of the incriminating evidence anyways lol. It is none of my business what is in his email accounts. And for the record....I believe him when he says there is no one else.
My dad and I talked about all of this family drama. Isabelle and Erica came over Grandma's house looking for English to help them do something with the computer. Now you know.....they ain't came over there for that. I bet they were casing the joint for money to get Lil' Wayne's stupid butt outta jail. And do you know that he got beat up REAL BAD in the county? I figured it would happen. A pretty-boy cocky arrogant rapist? He had it coming. And Jonathan told me that he came around saying that he didn't respect my dad because he don't do nothing for Grandma. Now you know....that is a bunch of bull. My dad buys her groceries...picks her up for church every week...calls her...gives her money...pay her utility bills, etc. Now granted we don't come over and change her diapers but my dad does do for his mother. Candace and I don't do nothing and that's because that is not my obligation to do all of that. I remember one time I took Grandma home and I called Raymond to let him know I was on my way so he could help me get her in the house. Raymond calls Shannon to come over and help put Grandma to bed. When Grandma hears that Shannon was on the way, she flips out saying that she didn't need Shannon because I was there AND that it was my turn to change her diaper since I had never done it before. I was bewildered. How dare she say that as if that is my job?!? What has she done for me lately? And I'm not holding grudges from when we were shorties but she did for Tristan and Shannon waaaaaaay more than she did for me and Candace. She was gonna give Shannon the Cleaners. Why them??? Now I didn't want it but she never offered it to me. Candace had just graduated with her bachelors of Business Management. She could've taken to Cleaners to a whole new level but she told Candace no. But she let Tristan sell all of her property and pocket that money. So when it comes to changing diapers...no that ain't my responsibility. I don't see Pete, Shawn, Akilah or Jonicia coming up here to change no diapers. I don't see Lauren or Shauni or Sudonna or Sandy or Larry Jr flying up here to do it. So why should I? Whateva! Anyways, so Lil' Wayne was doing alot of talking about my father. And I knew he got it from English 'cause that's the same crap she says. And I bet they get from Kathy 'cause we've already had it out about her talking reckless about me. I DARE her to say something else. And I can imagine that when Grandma dies, its gonna get ugly real soon. All I know is that I'm not asking or expecting NOTHING!!! Ain't gonna be no hard feelings either. And my dad was saying that he never thought that he would see all of this drama especially with his brothers and sisters. And I'm sure you all know all about that. Joe and Larry ain't talking to my dad because of the Marcell situation. And he said that he don't care if he never talks to them again. Does he really mean that? I think so because I could see myself doing something like that. Its kinda like "Out of sight, out of mind." It ain't Christian-like though.
I've got to pray and fight against my negative disposition. I don't wanna be an angry Black woman. I don't really have nothing to be angry about. And I didn't think I was like that until Alfonse said that I was. So I've got to watch that...I know I am attitude-able.....moody....temperamental and I've got to work on that. Anyways, I'm about to fall out so smooches!!! XOXO
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