Today has been a crazy day...actually this whole week has been crazy. On the 4th of July, I received calls from Curtis and Charlie. That's cool. It's a holiday and people call on holidays. I hit Takeyla's myspace page and mentioned that Bobby Brown has a new woman. As always, I referred to him as my 'ex-husband'...because he is. She responds saying that she thought my ex-husband was Keith Sweat. I wish I could have Keith Sweat. Several minutes after Keyda posts that on my myspace page, Charlie hits my page and writes that he thought that he was my husband. Why in the world would anyone put that on someone's page for others to read. Now I know what you all are saying..I was obsessed with him for several months. But that infatuation is gone. I don't like him anymore. Why not? Because he seems unstable, unreliable, he's sloppy at times, he's too new for me (esp. with what happened at Tonya's church), and he don't have no game. A girl must think of those things when making serious decisions such as marriage. As the infamous quote in "How To Marry A Millionaire" goes - "Some women give more thought to purchasing a car than choosing a husband." Back to the story...I was tripping about Charlie's assumption especially because I have NEVER said anything like that to him. He said something like that before but I blew it off with a joke and I thought that he was joking. Now I don't think he is. And I don't want to blow this out of proportion and loose his friendship. So I don't know how to deal with this. I guess the first thing is to not talk about it with everyone. I already told Keyda and Neicey. Neicey is cool but I am going to stop talking about this with Keyda. As you may or may not know, I found Nate on myspace and after contemplating for several days, I emailed him. Today, he checked his mail and hit me back up. It was classic Nate...short and to the point. He gave me a number to call him at. I called him and it was his work number at Bank of America. Why'd he give me his work number? Because he's laying up with some chick and he don't want nobody calling his house. Classic Nate! So I left a message and found myself sounding sexy. I don't know where that came from but it just happened. I didn't leave my number so we'll see what he does now. The ball is in his court. But after I made the call, I found my heart hurting. Was I secretly wishing to get back with him? Was I still in love with him? I know that I was rationalizing possible interactions with him like if he wanted to kiss me or hook up with me. What would I do? I couldn't find an honest answer in my heart. I know that my lips would immediately say 'NO' but what would my heart say? And the fact that I still don't know is frightening. And another question is: Will I see him when I go home next month? I really want to. Ugh....sickening, huh? Ten minutes after I called Nate, guess who calls me? Curtis. He is always on time, ain't he? He told me that he preached last night. Good for him. I told Charlie that I don't want to marry a pastor because I am too selfish. I need stability and being a pastor is too unstable for me. I can't rely on the tithes and offering for a living. And what if he says that God told him to go to some remote part of the world. Am I to uproot my life and family to follow him? That's too much of a risk for me. And by being a pastor's kid, I know that I would have to vie against the congregation for my husband's attention. I want to come first at all times. I am the oldest of a large family and I was ALWAYS put aside for someone or something else. I don't want to have a marriage like that. But it seems like the only ones coming around are preachers and pastors. But I can't blame them because that is the only thing I was interested in for a while. I guess I am confused right now. And to top the day off, Jay contacted me on yahoo messenger. He told me that he is going to San Juan the week I will be going home so I won't see him. He said that the company is sending everyone. Yeah right. I can't believe that he is taking Yolanda to an island. I am so mad right now!!! I am starting to realize that I don't like her. She took Earl and now Jay. Ugh.... When I said that the Jay news was the topping, this is the indulgence. Shawanda contacted me on facebook. I emailed her first because I had a dream about her. I don't really remember it too much. It was about her getting married or something and I was jealous. I hit her up to ask her if she were okay and she wrote me back telling me that she was wrong and sorry about how she handled our friendship and the breakup. I took a week to respond back to her because she seemed so nonchalant about it, especially since that hurt me so bad. I trusted her and let her in. And she threw me out like trash. So I told her that it was cool and that she did hurt me and I am still hurt about it. I also told her that I realized that I didn't like our friendship because she would throw in my face that she kept me at bay. So I got that off my chest and feel good. I bought some flea stuff from Petco for the boys. I bathed them and saw the dead fleas. I had already de-flea-ed my room so after the bath, I put them in there. I bathed Dash first and put him in the room. He whined and cried the entire time he was in there alone. It was so sad. And on his head, you could see open sores. It was so sad. And you could also see where he kept scratching his ear because it was raw and bruised. Lucky was better this time than last time. I poured the shampoo on one of the fleas and it immediately died. I saw like 3 on each of them. After I finished that, I then poured the citrus flea powder on the carpet and sprayed the couch and the rest of the carpet. It said that I should leave it on for 24hours for best results. I moved my television to my room and did laundry (only the sheets) so I could have a place to sleep. I was so tired after all of that. Now that everything is done, I feel better. While I was in the kitchen cleaning, Dash started scratching right after he got on the couch. DANG!!! So I sprayed again and they haven't scratched. They were scratching earlier before the couch but I think that is because of dry skin and allergies. I even got the expensive Frontline Plus. I was reading comments from others who have used it and they said that they allow their dogs to run around and never worry about fleas. So maybe I can go back to walking and losing weight like I was doing before this flea scare. So I am about to take them out for a walk and we'll see how that goes. I am going to keep them on the Frontline every month as a preventive measure. Other than that, nothing is going on. TTYL.
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